I just started working the karaoke shift at my bar and I must say. It sucks ass. Despite the pros (regular public nudity, some cuteness that doesn't come in on my other nights) it is, and legendarily has been, the most feared shift of the week. Here's why.
- Broadway babies mangling 'Suddenly Seymour'. I don't get it.
- Hordes of girls trolling for free drinks and taking up space nursing water
- It's loud as hell, dude. Especially when hearing 'Black Velvet' for the trillionth time.
- Why does some white-bread khaki slacks guy always have to do "Baby Got Back" at precisely 1:17am? (Although I secretly enjoy this part)
- Lots of underage/agressive/flat out nuts that we have to weed from the crowd.
- The pay doesn't match the hassle by a long long way.
Lets use tonight's nutbag as a stellar example. Some guy I hadn't seen before nursing beers at the bar, but you could just smell the crazy so neither of us working were really making conversation. Then I happened to wander out for a cig while he was out there. Now my outdoor smoking time is a cherished free moment, and you talk to me by invite only. I walked a couple of steps away, and he muttered at me 'Oh so I guess I'm nobody....again...'. OH-kay. He mustered up his courage and approached me.
- Hi, I'm Nikolai, Victor of the People
- Huh?
- Oh, that's the name on my birth certificate, I was named after a communist leader. You can just call me Nikolai though.
- Oh, thanks...
- Yeah, I'm from around {thank you for the super helpful information} but I live in Harlem now... you should check it out, I have a queen sized bed....
I don't even know what this meant. Did he grow up sleeping under bridges, so a bed is a matter of pride? Was it a come-on? WTF?
His credit card was declined in the end, and he tried to bargain his tab for a book of quotations on Buddhism. We took his guitar in lieu of payment, and he was pissed. So pissed that three hours later he was still sitting on the street across from the bar, waiting for a new bartender to start the morning shift so he could claim the guitar he 'forgot'. This dastardly plan he confided to my bouncer - who believe me looks exactly like a bouncer and nothing else.
Oh well, another night in karaoke hell is done.
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3 comments:
Wow, that guy sounds like a total tool. Sorry you had to deal with him.
Maybe you should host a bloggers karoake night at your bar? You can meet some of us other drunkards and we can discuss this green card marriage thing (ha). And OK, I'll shut up about it now. =+)
God no, if anyone at my bar read this I'd be in big trouble, they'd all know exactly the naughtiness I've been trying to keep under my hat...
i bartended (4 years ago) on karoke night...
it was a drunken mess.
i always managed to belt out (horribly) some cheesey songs, though.
'easy like sunday morning and 'sea of love' were
my "specialties".
i hate the "i'll have water" people if they don't tip.
uh.
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