My Gay Ex

<

All this frat chat reminds me of my gay ex-boyfriend...jeez haven't thought about him in ages.
Me and this guy hung out in the same bar every Friday, and I thought he was pretty damn cute. He was always in the same raggedy green sweater, and I had no idea what he did for a living apart from picking up the odd bartending shift there. It's totally against my code to date a bartender, but he wasn't a REAL bartender, just filling in - or so I rationalised.


Anyway. It started the week I bought myself some princess rollerskates, you know, pink wheels and white boots, so cute! I went outside,put them on, and immediately slapped myself off the sidewalk - to the applause of some porchsitting pensioner. Jerk. It hurt like hell, I thought I broke my wrist, but it ebbed after a while so I forgot about.


That Friday was the big night with my gay ex (MGE). He was a little drunk and finally got the courage when we were outside smoking to tell me
'I think you're really cute.'
'Really? Oh, I think you're really cute too!' (Okay I was drunk too)
'Really? That's so cool. I think you're really cute too!'
And we went on in this nauseating vein for a while, believe me. So I gathered my friends, and he gathered his, and we hit another bar. At some point I was making out with him outside a bar and I heard my friend come outside and start all hah ha, kissy kissy. So I turned to give my friend a well deserved slap upside the head, but he moved and I backhanded the doorframe with my wrist.
'Oh. My. God. MGE I just broke my arm.'
'Don't be stupid. That's impossible.'
'It HURTS!'
'Jager will fix that up nicely. Back to the bar!'
MGE came home with me that night, we were both WASTED. Woke up in the morning, made out a little bit, he tried to get a little boobage but I wouldn't let him. NB this is the most action I ever got from him. My arm was fucking killing, after a while I was like, get off me, I'm going to the ER. He teased me about being a big wussy girl.


I was almost happy when the doc said 'Yup, it's a broken wrist alright' (original damage on my pretty princess skates, made worse at bar) just to prove all those doughnuts from the night before wrong. Six weeks off work wasn't so cool though.


I went to the bar that night to show off my war wounds. Of course everybody knew MGE and I had hooked up, and there was predictable wife beating slagging. Which he totally took to heart, he got mad when I told his cuz he pushed me downstairs when I wouldn't give it up... which was bad I suppose but jeez dude, he knew I was joking.
TBC...28-May-07 4:02:26 PM


I ended up at his in the city that night. For a guy who, as far as I knew, survived off of fill-in bartending, his apartment was, well, too nice. Kickass view of the bridges over the East River, huge, just way out of what I presumed was his league. I liked it though - not enough books maybe but what was there was good, just the right amount of boy mess, and he had a great junior school photo in prominent display, where he looked like someone had just farted a decomposing body in front of him. Awesome. I presumed parental cash - maybe it's a European thing but over there people who grew up with bajillions often dress like this guy i.e. like hoboes. And as I've mentioned before, as long as a guy buys me a beer once in a while I don't really care what he's got.


So for a few weeks we fell into the habit of hanging out a couple times a week, usually in bars, usually with at least one friend/relative of MGE. He was affectionate and all in public... but at home, nada. Maybe a halfhearted kiss but he never tried any more. It was frustrating, I have needs godammit! Also if I stayed at his we'd always have to go somewhere early morning where he knew someone - in retrospect this screams LOOK, an actual girl! Stayed over! He did mention some day job but I didn't recognise the company, and he never seemed in a hurry to take off when I stayed over midweek.


Then. One Saturday morning we woke up in my place. I was putting the moves on(!) but MGE made me get up and come to the city as friends were in town. Back to his. He goes to change, comes out of the bedroom..... oh my God. Hair with, I don't know, stuff in it. A PINK, popped collar polo. Khakis. And the crowning touch, a sun visor sported backwards and upsidedown! WTF? You're a preppy in disguise! I should have just gone home then, but I went out with him and his friends, who were all in the same uniform and all behaved as the uniform suggests. It was a strange experience to walk into bars and have the bartender in damage control mode from the second they saw us because they knew the guys would act like douches and sadly they did. MGE was actually a nice guy but this crowd. And again, all over me in public but nothing in our alone moments. That's when I figured out I was his beard. Clearly this crowd would not be cool with a guy who likes guys. And that was the end of MGE.


The day job by the way turned out to be some ridiculous Wall Street bajillionaire job.


In the interests of fairness I want to acknowledge maybe he just wasn't that into me... but come on. What guy has a rather fabulous young lady like myself stay over multiple times and do nothing?

29-May-07 2:45:51 PM