Oh NO! Ex Sex!

Everybody does it I suppose, but I'm so mad at myself.

I had plans to meet up with FB last Friday, and as I've still been bitchslapping him around and not giving it up, I knew he'd actually be there with bells on instead of calling two hours late to tell me he's on flipping LI. Then The Ex started texting me. Are you free tonight? (Nope, have plans.) Can you get out of them? (Not really, what's up?) I really need you. Broke up with Stupid New Girlf, need a friend.

If I'm totally honest I knew right then where the night was going to end up.

I dumped The Ex, but I was still totally devastated by the breakup. First Love and all that. He just kept fucking up, to the point where I think he was doing that cowardly guy thing of forcing me to dump him rather than him dumping me. He swears not though. Even after I broke up with him, we kept hanging out at least once a week, and that quickly turned into sleeping together, until we were basically dating again whilst still officially broken up. Until one day when he was coming to my house for a sleepover, he called me first and told me he had a date the next day. I was pissed. This guy has been coupled up since he was fifteen - if he had a date that meant within two weeks she'd be his new girlfriend. He'd been talking to her and calling her for two months whilst sleeping with me. I felt like I'd been dumped, even though we were officially off anyway... just blindsided.

I was right, the two of them got serious ridiculously fast. That's his m.o., after the first week we met I don't think we spent a night apart, and I've NEVER been like that with a guy before. My previous boyfriends tended to bitch they were forgetting what I looked like as they'd get to see me so little. To make matters worse, this new girl was a dope. She swears blind her name on her birth cert is Princess (um, no. It's not.) She's a freelance fashion consultant (read, unemployed, daddy has money). She's a 'practicing Wiccan' (yurk) - just the type of girl who makes me want to go for gender reassignment surgery. Our mutual friends hated her. The first time he took her to meet them she spent the entire night whining 'Baby, I'm cold.' 'Baby, it's too crowded in here.' 'Baby...' and not even attempting to make conversation with anyone else.

The Ex And I still spoke a lot - he called me at least twice a day, and this bothered her. It would drive me nuts too, if a new guy I was dating needed to talk to his ex that much. So in the interests of settling her mind I told him, you know, we're all grown-ups, let's meet up one night so she knows who you're talking to. We still move in the same social circles so we're bound to bump into each other eventually, lets do it properly.

I took FB along (our first date, incidentally) and I had him well prepped. I was so insecure about meeting her, I was expecting one of those Manhattan, ubergroomed, tiny little blond chicklets. And that I would look like a big hulking brown blob beside her. I did look fucking hot that night if I say so myself, And also I'm the skinniest I've been since I was about twelve - I lost 35lbs in last 4/5 months!- so I was feeling okay about myself. outside the concert venue me and FB were having a smoke and I saw The Ex come round the corner. I started to wave, he just widened his eyes and gave a tiny shake of his head. Then Princess came careening around the corner, wearing a tiny tee that said 'Hands Off My Man' (what are we, fucking fourteen? Also HE calls me, I don't call him). FB, god love him, said 'Jesus is that her? She's like a...a plumber! Oh he fucked up. He gave up you for Super Mario over there?' Hee. This is why I still forgive FB his subsequent blah behaviour - I needed him then and he came through.

I think any girl will sympathize with me, and I guess guys too - you always want to be better/cuter/funnier/smarter than your ex's new squeeze. 'Princess' WAS teeny and blond - but also built like a brick shithouse and just kind of raggedy. I was definitely hotter. And not as insane/immature. The Ex was probably right to keep us apart, if she was jealous without meeting me she'd be nuts if she actually did. Jesus I sound like a conceited bitch, huh?

Anyhoo. He broke up with her Friday over her general insecurity/insanity, I cancelled my plans and took him for dinner, we got wasted and slept together. He was the best sex I've had which is why my will of steel (ha) went out the window, but I truly regret it. The dope will most likely be back with her within the week, and I also don't want him thinking there's even a small chance we'll get together again. I'm loving my skinny single life right now.

I'll be 26 on Saturday. Maybe once I've officially crossed into "late" twenties I'll start making better decisions....

Breaking up is apparently contagious

I kicked The Ex to the curb about four months ago now for the following reasons.

1. I make a lot more money, cash, than he does, and he was treating mine as his. Now that was fine being in love and all, but it got to the point where he was spending about $500 a week of mine on the four nights I work, and completely unable to explain it. Not going to bars, he doesn't do coke...so where was the money going?

2. I found a list of girls he'd banged, written at least a year after we got together. It was explicit, gave marks out of ten with comments like 'sweet fuckable ass' and 'fattish waste(sic)'. Luckily for him I wasn't on that list. Unluckily, his best female friend was. And she got nine out of ten. He met this girl the day before he met me, and always swore he'd never slept with her. He went out drinking with her and back to hers on a regular basis. I am not jealous or possesive, but if I knew he'd slept with her there is no fucking way I'd have let him in her apartment drunk at 2am. He cried and begged, and I chose to believe his story he slept with her the night they met and never again since. It was over really at this point, but I stuck it out a little longer.

3. I began looking for a new apartment, knowing we were doomed, and I noticed someone was visiting the 'Casual Encounters' on Craigslist. So I checked the history on our computer. And I found his ad on AdultFriendFinder looking for an older woman for NSA hookup. Moron. Who does that on a computer they share with their girl? Or doesn't bother to delete the history? Anyway, bye bye. I found out where all the cash was going too - phone sex lines running up his cellphone bill. He tried to guilt me into sticking around to help him through his 'sex addiction'. Um, thanks, but no.

We are still friends though, he was my first love blah blah so I didn't just cut the ties. He still hits me up for a 'loan' (read - gift of free money) at least once a month too.

So since we broke up, every single girl I work with has ditched their guys too, at the rate of at least one breakup a fortnight. I just got a call from the last coupled up waitress saying she's done with her guy for good. While this has made work resemble a therapy group for too, too long, it is also awesome. Single girl summer ahoy! I can't wait...