Reasons that I am American

The first man from my village who moved to the States called home about a week later with a ridiculous fake Yank accent. This was at least 40 years ago, but is still the talk of the town. When I was moving over here at least 10 bajillion people (yes, that's right, more than the population of the planet) said, 'Jaysus, ye won't be like auld Jimmy McCreefe will yeh?' or 'Give it a week and "sidewalk" and "garbage" will be coming out of yer arse' - the thoughts of that nearly made me stay home - or simply 'If yeh start spouting that Yank shite we'll feckin' disown yeh.'

Like a lot of new New Yorkers I ended up living in a nabe heavily populated by transplants from the old country - so much so that I was viewed with suspicion and mistrust because of my British accent, and was constantly having to whip out my passport to prove my blood ran emerald green. My accent over time became more Irish, partially due to the constant exposure, mostly because as a bartender it's good for business. (Apart from the six months I worked in Williamsburg where I totally played up my cockney, they lurve the Brits.) But now I live in an American nabe with a roommate from the MidWest and a 99% American clientele. 8 of the last 10 people I texted were American.

Six years in, I was just talking to my little brother and he told me he was birded off. Huh? He then told me I didn't understand because I'm a total Yank now. He is correct, and this is why.
- I invite friends to the 'bar for a beer' not the 'pub for a pint'.
- I no longer think a man with a wineglass in his hand is automatically gay.
- I haven't been in an area of green larger than Central Park in donkeys years.
- If a bar tried to charge me extra for Coke to go in my Jack I would break shit up.
- I threaten to break shit up.
- I use MySpace 14 times as much as I use Bebo.
- I go on 'dates'. Irish people do NOT do this.
- Apartment, deli, garbage, cellphone, store, cocktail, soda, cop, retarded... all part of my daily vocab, all words that will get me laughed out of Ballyoblarney.
- I think $200 is an acceptable amount to spend on shoes, purses or a night on the beer.
- I just said purse instead of handbag, and on the beer instead of on the lash.
- I no longer giggle at the use of 'pants' for non-knickers items of clothing. I will always find the American use of 'fanny' hilarious though.
- I don't know what's happening in Eastenders or Home and Away.
- I know that Victoria's Secret kind of sucks, actually. At home we imagine it to be a magical wonderland of knicker-related fabulosity.
- I haven't said 'knickers' in so long that now I can't seem to stop.
- I have never spent a Euro.
- I say ass more than arse, even though arse is clearly better.
- I haven't used the word 'cunt' as a term of endearment in a long time - really, it's acceptable at home as long as preceded and followed by 'ya' - "C'mere, yacuntya!'
- I no longer think it's gay if a guy has candles in his home. Well, not TOTALLY gay.
- I watch way more baseball than soccer. And I say soccer instead of football.
- I have no food in my refrigerator and don't think it's ridiculously extravagant/slatternly/showoffy to eat out for every meal.
- Square hamburgers no longer freak me out.

So that's it. I am a Yank. Knickers knickers knickers.